Bad end to a great month

My 24th week got off to a bad start last night/this morning with a $1274 loss.

I lost $390 in an early session, but I wasn't too displeased with my play. I took a break, then sat back down only to lose another $884. I cut that second session short because I found myself getting frustrated, and I'm a bit tired. The games I left were good, so I didn't want to leave, but there will be good games tomorrow when I'm fresh and unemotional.

In my first 23 weeks, I averaged $1013 of winnings in 21.4 hours of play per week, bringing me close to my goal of earning $50/hour. Actually, since I set that goal I've averaged $66/hour, so I'm pretty proud of that. But a ferocious downswing could always be just around the corner, so I'm not going to be overconfident.

I didn't like ending an otherwise great August ($8866 this month unless I play tomorrow evening before midnight) on a down note, but game selection has been crucial to that success, which means finding the right games to play and knowing when not to play.

Famous Poker Players

This is based on what I know about them, poker and personally, which is almost entirely based on publicly available media. I might update this occasionally (last updated 8/30).


I particularly like:

• Barry Greenstein - Barry seems like a good person, and unquestionably one of the best poker players in the world. His book is one of my favorites, not just among poker books.
  
• Daniel Negreanu - Daniel's blog can get a lot gayer than even mine, but I respect that he speaks his mind openly. I also like that he seems to live a balanced life, not completely obsessed with only poker. And hosting all these heads up challenge matches, he's got some big balls for a little guy.
  
• Phil Ivey - In contrast to Daniel's balanced life respect, I respect how much this guy seems to be dedicated to his career. Dude plays long hours at the highest stakes. He is an unstoppable poker machine.
  
• Paul Phillips - Smart guy, great blog. I'd like to be more like paulp.
  
• Howard Lederer - Hearing of him almost exclusively in the context of tournament poker, I had no idea what a cash game beast he was until I read this book. Good book, by the way. He has really done a great job of capitalizing on this poker boom.
  
• Greg Raymer - ESPN's coverage painted him as another Chris Moneymaker, but Raymer wasn't a total fluke. He's had a lot of success in very big cash games, and everything I've ever heard this guy say about poker has impressed me. He seems like a classy guy as well.
  

I particularly don't like:

• Phil Hellmuth - What an egomaniacal fucking jackass. But jackassery sells, so he's making a crapload of money away from the tables. Very good tournament hold'em player, not very impressive otherwise. I think he'll turn out to be like the Paris Hilton of poker - a trainwreck that was fun to watch for a while, but eventually we'll all realize how pathetic he is and stop caring. But he'll still be rich. And he'll remind us of that as often as possible. Check this out.
  
• Johnny Chan - Rounders made Chan out to be the ultimate poker god, but we haven't really seen much of this guy in the poker explosion the last few years. Why not? This guy was perfectly positioned to be a huge poker star, but he's off making bad investments somewhere. I've heard that he is superstitious, blaming dealers for bad luck. He also made disparaging comments about billionaire Texas banker Andy Beal, who has given a group of the world's top poker players all they can handle in ultra-highstakes limit hold'em games (as high as $100,000/$200,000), which was described in this book. Except for his relatively low profile lately, most of my reasons for disliking him are based on obscure 3rd person accounts, so I could be way off here.
• Scotty Nguyen - Drunk and annoying, baby!
• Sam Farha - Just look at this guy. He looks like the ultimate sleezy gambler. There was that moment with Moneymaker where he barked at the dealer "I can read the cards better than you can." That wasn't the only time he offended a dealer. If it looks like a slimebag, and it acts like a slimebag, it must be a slimebag.
• Antonio "The Magician" Esfandiari - Just read this.
  
• Everyone associated with "The Crew" - What a bunch of annoying assholes. Especially Dutch Boyd, who ripped off a bunch of people who deposited money in the now-collapsed online poker room he started.
  

Not as bad as I first thought:

• Mike Matasow - My first impression of him was the ugly incident of him taunting Raymer, but when you hear about some of the other insane stuff this guy says and does, you realize that he's just crazy. Rudeness is much more forgivable from an insane person. He seems like a genuinely nice guy who can't control his emotions or impulses whatsoever. Everyone who knows him says they love him, so I guess that counts for something.
• Scott Fischman - Disdain for "The Crew" aside, this guy is damn good at poker and seems to approach it the right way. He's had some obnoxious moments, like rolling on the table after winning a bracelet, but I'll assume he is maturing.
  

Online Poker Screen Names 4

When you sign up to play poker at an online casino, you pick a screen name that other players see when you sit at a table. Here are some names I've played against. Players in red are losers in games I've played; green are winners. My databases are getting too big, so I don't have this detail for everyone now.

(Online Poker Screen Names 1)

(Online Poker Screen Names 2)

(Online Poker Screen Names 3)


Poo: very popular in this data collection period.

• PokerPoopy - this guy sat out for a few hands after typing "brb gotta go poo"
  

• poosnack
  

• SittininPoop
  

• poomachine
  

Sexual/Vulgarity:

• AssSpanker - My first hand against him I had AA vs his KK. I guess I spanked his ass.
  

• Owning_Balls -
  

• fulltit_com - FullTilt.com is a poker website. I can guess what kind of website fulltit.com is
  

Funny References:

• demimoore - This is funny not because Demi Moore is particularly amusing, but because its funny that anyone would pick her for a poker screen name.
  

• JIMMYFALO -This is funny because Jimmy Fallon is pretty funny, AND because its funny that anyone would pick him for a poker screen name.
  

• TutanComeOn - When I saw the name "KhanhAir" I wrote the following: This is one of two things. Best case is that this guy's name is Khanh, or he's somehow affiliated with something named Khanh. In that case, he decided to come up with a play on words and related his name to the name of the movie "Con Air." That's like when my friend Erm had the IM screenname "ErmNHammer." I understand the pun and all, but couldn't you have come up with something cooler than baking soda or a crappy movie? (Yes, Con Air is on my honorary mention Badass Movies list, but I'm trying to make a point.) So that's the "good" case. The worse case is that this guy is in no way associated with the name Khanh at all, and he just thought he'd come up with an alternate spelling for Con Air. That would be really really weird. Well clearly this guy isn't the legendary King Tut (Egyptian King Tutankhamun), so this is a worst case scenario.
  

• thebigsalad - Seinfeld reference, Elaine's meal choice
  

• MrVanDeLay - Seinfeld reference, George's standard fake name was Art Vandelay
  

Weird:

• SubHmanRetrd - This guy is kind of hard on himself
  

• catpig - When I found out there was a real children's show called "Catdog" I was amazed at the simple stupidity of combining those 2 animals. I probably was drunk, but its still kinda funny. Catpig. Funny.
  

• Chunky_LuvR - Big people play poker when they aren't busy making love.
  

• brues - I like this name because of its ambiguity. Is it supposed to be an alternate spelling of Bruce? Bruise? Brews? Is brue a word? So many possibilities... yeah I stopped caring.
  

Drugs:

• ISmokeMeth - me too.
  

Reader Submission:

• PubesOnSoap - My first reader submission, this delightful name came from Erm, who saw it on Paradise.
  

Gracious in Defeat #4

People say lots of classy things after they lose a hand...



Coolarrow: nice hand you XXXXing retard homo fcku


----

avi25g: fasteddie u fu,cking lucky dic




I could pretty much do one of these every day for the rest of my poker career, but this is getting old pretty fast.

Gracious in Defeat #3

People say lots of classy things after they lose a hand...



MichaelRav: what the fuc is wrong with sons of mot ther fu cing bit ches


Note that most of the quotes in these features contain very innovative ways to avoid the automatic censoring of vulgarity. Poor Michael.
----

riggedparty: anything but not my 500th river today
riggedparty: software is a fking rigged joke


This guy believes that multi-billion dollar PartyPoker intentionally fixes its games to create more action and to let bad players catch their miracle card on the river so they don't go broke and stop generating income for the site. He believes it so strongly that he created a screen name based on the idea. And yet he still plays at PartyPoker. Apparently he'd rather play in a poker game where he's sure he'll be cheated than not play at all.
----

Kelly19hoty: ahhahaha
Kelly19hoty: fyu
Tarasque: nice mouth
Kelly19hoty: blow me
Tarasque: R we 2 be impressed by your vocabulary?
Kelly19hoty: no.. my poker skill.. shut up son
Tarasque: gee, I guess u told me


Kelly sounds really hot.

Gracious in Defeat #2

People say lots of classy things after they lose a hand...

This time I'm insulted in Italian. The second line seems to combine "pork" and "mother." I'm not sure if "pork" is intended as a noun or a verb. I think the first line has something to do with putting something somewhere uncomfortable.


spacciato: ma cosa avete nel culo

spacciato: porca madonna

Gracious in Defeat #1

People say lots of classy things after they lose a hand...


Originally referenced here, a maniac wrote this after I won a giant pot by catching a straight on the turn with my AK. The last line is a reference to my screen name, which contains the word "pour.")

INSANE MORON: foff

INSANE MORON: db

INSANE MORON: lucky fu.ck

INSANE MORON: pour my cu.m u fuc.k wad

I'm still here - various poker updates

People start to get a little panicked if I don't post anything for a little while. Instead of questioning just how desperate my (4) readers are, I'll take it as a compliment.

Writing about poker is tricky. What can I write about: specific hands, wins/losses, general thoughts about my poker game, life as a wannabe poker pro, topics from the poker world...


Specific Hands

While it helps me improve my game, detailed hand analysis gets boring for both the writer and the readers. While I've done it here in the past, and will probably occasionally do it again, this just isn't the best place for it. If I want to get feedback from very knowledgeable poker minds, I should take the hands directly to friends, or post on 2+2. So I tend to just post hands that might interest casual readers, like a cool bluff or a huge pot. Here's one!

$15/$30 Texas Hold'em - Saturday, August 06, 2:30am or so

SB guy posts small blind [$10].
BB guy posts big blind [$15].

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to Adspar [ Ks Ah ]
LIMPING FOOL calls [$15].
INSANE MORON raises [$30].
1 guy folds.
COLD CALLING SPONGE calls [$30].
Adspar raises [$45].
Why Not Guy raises [$60].
SB guy folds.
BB guy folds.
LIMPING FOOL calls [$45].
INSANE MORON calls [$30].
COLD CALLING SPONGE calls [$30].
Adspar calls [$15].

5 people see the flop with almost 22 small bets in the pot ($325). I love Party Poker.

** Dealing Flop ** [ Td, 3h, Qh ]

LIMPING FOOL bets [$15].
INSANE MORON raises [$30].
COLD CALLING SPONGE calls [$30].
Adspar calls [$30].
Why Not Guy folds.
LIMPING FOOL is all-In for $4 more
INSANE MORON calls [$4].
COLD CALLING SPONGE calls [$4].
Adspar calls [$4].

This was an easy call for me with 13 BBs in the pot. I have 3 outs to the nut straight, 6 overcards that might be good, and the backdoor nut flush draw.

4 people see the turn for 15.4 big bets, one guy is all-in.

** Dealing Turn ** [ Jd ]

INSANE MORON bets [$30].
COLD CALLING SPONGE calls [$30].
Adspar raises [$60].
INSANE MORON raises [$60].
COLD CALLING SPONGE calls [$60].
Adspar raises [$60].
INSANE MORON calls [$30].
COLD CALLING SPONGE calls [$30].

That's right, I got to cap the turn against 2 other players with the beautiful turned nuts.

3 players and the all-in guy to the river, with 27.4 big bets in the pot.

** Dealing River ** [ 5d ]

INSANE MORON bets [$30].
COLD CALLING SPONGE folds.
Adspar raises [$60].
INSANE MORON folds.

Adspar shows [ Ks, Ah ] a straight, ten to ace.
LIMPING FOOL doesn't show [ Jc, 9c ] a pair of jacks.
Adspar wins $450 from side pot #1 with a straight, ten to ace.
Adspar wins $458 from the main pot with a straight, ten to ace.

$908 pot and that guy folded the river for 1 more bet. Wow. Apparently displeased with the situation, he then types the following hysterical and classy conversation. (The last line is a reference to my screen name, which involves the word "pour.")

INSANE MORON: foff

INSANE MORON: db

INSANE MORON: lucky fu.ck

INSANE MORON: pour my cu.m u fuc.k wad

Wins/Losses
I have written about nice wins and rough losses, but I recently realized that I don't want to keep doing that. Poker is gambling. Gambling has wins and losses. Even when you gamble "with the best of it" you still lose sometimes. The important thing is to look at the long run, so you shouldn't take individual losses too hard or get too excited about wins.

I also don't like to write about losses because people get worried about me, especially people who don't really understand the variance of poker (aka everyone). And then I don't like to write about big wins because if I don't show the losses, I shouldn't brag about the wins, right?

But, life doesn't always feel like a long-run. It feels like a bunch of short-runs. So if writing about a big loss helps me deal with it, I'm going to do that. I write this shit because I think I'm getting something out of it, not just to entertain and enlighten dozens of people every month.

So, here's a story about a big win. Tonight I had the biggest session win of my life. It was 3 times bigger than my previous biggest, which happened 4 days earlier. Its been a good week.


General thoughts about my poker game
Life as a wannabe poker pro

I'm playing pretty well I think, but I'm still nervous that I'm playing $15/30 on a short bankroll. But I felt like it was time to get past the dead limits of $5/10 and $10/20 into the more juicy action. I wrote about a bad first night in the bigger game, but since then it has been very good to me. Inevitably I'll hit a bad streak, but hopefully not before I pad my bankroll a bit more.

In April, I made almost $3,800.
In May I made almost $1,600.
In June I made almost $8,000.
In July I made almost $400.
Tonight I made almost $3400.

Variance is a bitch. Try to imagine the range of emotions that kind of variability in income causes. It is really nice not to have to report to an office, or have a boss. It is nice to sleep til the afternoon and take a trip whenever I feel like. Its fun to drink a 6 pack on a Tuesday night while watching HBO on demand for 5 hours. Its fun to see people's reactions when they hear what I do for a living.

But this shit takes a toll on me in weird ways. I doubt my decisions and worry that my next session will start the avalanche to my inevitable demise. What happens if I have 4 months like July in a row? Do I even remember how to write a resume? Oh god I just know that flush draw is going to get there and fuck my flopped set.

Take a step back and a few deep breaths. You've proven that you are a winner. Just relax and let the long run work its magic...


Topics from the poker world

And I'm just playing limit hold'em cash games! I can't even imagine how tournament pros feel. Their income is even more variable. They could easily go a year without a major cash, or longer. I guess when they do hit, its for $190,00 or $455,00 or $1,100,000 which is a different zip code from $620 or $1,100 or $3,400. But I don't get the feeling that many of the tournament pros we see on TV are investing half of their big wins in blue chip stocks and treasury bonds.

I invest half of my winnings in coke and hookers. It helps me stay humble.

Seriously though, sitting at home playing cash games online is crazy enough for me right now. Flying all over the country, dropping $5,000 or $10,000 in entry fees plus travel and hotel expenses wherever the tournament is - those are some crazy gamblers.

Cartesian Pokery

My total poker income is the sum of 2 categories: poker wins and other. The first category is self-explanatory. The second category is income from various promotions that online sites use to attract players, net of poker-related expenses (travel and lodging for casino play).

Since I play mostly online, "other income" is a fairly consistent stream, linearly correlated to the number of hands I play. It is nice to have that stability in an otherwise highly volatile business.

The graph below is the cumulative sum of each category over the 14 weeks I've been doing this.




Observations/Analysis:

• As recently as week 11, I'd made less playing than I made from other.
• Almost 70% of my total poker winnings have come in the last 3 weeks. I'm on a huge upswing right now.
• Overall, I've made as much in the last 3 weeks as I did in the first 11. Again, huge upswing.
  
• Weeks 7 through 9 were brutal. Sooner or later I'll have another downswing like that. Sooner or later I'll have downswings much worse than that.
  
• In week 10 I switched from playing 4 tables of $5/10 to 2 tables of $10/20. You can see that the poker wins immediately skyrocketed while the growth of other income modestly declined as a result of playing fewer total hands. I'm not planning to add a 3rd table any time soon. I might move up to $15/30 soon though.
• Generally its just good to see a positive trend. I don't expect to continue crushing the games like I have the last few weeks, but hopefully my long term trend won't look as flat as the first 9 weeks here.
  

Reading, Thinking, Writing... Being a Lazy Jackass.

This is what happens when I see a simple poker winrate projection...

I was reading Luke's latest, when I came to this quote:

In theory, playing 12 $2-$4 tables, beating each table for a bet per hour, and receiving a partial rake rebate would yield more than $250 thousand at 8 hours per day. A quarter of a million dollars at $2-$4 is actually possible!

Something about that math didn't add up to me as I thought about it, so I busted out the excel and crunched some numbers. I was about to ask him what kind of crazy rake rebate deal he had, when I realized what I was missing. When I hear "8 hours per day" I think 40 hours per week.

He meant 8 hours every single day. I can't do that. I know there are tons of people out there who work more than 56 hours every week, but I don't think I could ever be one of them. I can't think of any one thing I'd be willing to devote that much time to.

Coming out of college with a double degree in finance and economics and strong math skills, I could have gone for an investment banking gig. I knew I could make a ton of money that way, and my friends who went that route are making huge 6-figure salaries at age 25. I saw that potential, but I didn't want to slave through the 80 hour work weeks they make the entry-level analysts put in.

Hell, it got to the point where 40 hour weeks at GE was too much to bear.

These days I'm fully aware that playing poker for more hours is the most important thing I can do to build my bankroll, thereby allowing me to move up to higher limits, thereby allowing me to make more money. But I struggle to put in more than 30 hours per week.

Clearly wealth accumulation isn't something I've shown a willingness to invest much time in. Which is not quite the same as saying I wouldn't be willing to invest a great deal of time in something that would lead to wealth, just that I'm not willing to work simply for the sake of wealth. We'll get back to that point.

But for now, if not just for money, then what would I invest tons of time in?

Well, I'm pretty sure that I'd work 18 hours a day to ensure my own survival. And if I have my own family some day, I assume I'd include their survival as a higher priority than my own.

But that's really all I can think of. I'm too selfish to include any kind of altruistic causes that help people outside my small circle. God bless the soldiers and the Peace Corps and teachers and law enforcement, cause I sure can't do what they do.

Before you write me off as 100% worthless and lazy, note that so far what I'm writing about is devoting myself extensively to any ONE thing. I couldn't dissect balance sheets or fight crime for 80 hours per week. But I could probably do those both for 8 hours per week, and throw in 7 or 8 other things too.

Ok, maybe not all in the same week. I am 90% worthless and lazy. I have a short attention span; spending too long on any one thing drains my energy.

I guess the point here is that I want to enjoy my time, not just slave miserably towards a goal. My means are just as important to me, if not more important than the ends. Some people enjoy poker enough to play 8 hours every single day. It turns out I enjoy it enough to fill about 30 hours per week, and it turns out that amount of play meets my survival needs. I'm very lucky in that regard.

For some people, meeting survival needs isn't enough, and they don't mind working 80 hours a week at jobs they dislike if they know they'll eventually have more money. Some people trudge through the hours knowing their work is serving a higher cause. Some people never stop moving because they don't know how.

I got a job after college because I wanted to live on my own instead of having to mooch off my parents. I liked the job more than I liked the other idea. After a few years I found a solution I liked better and I started playing online poker in my underwear in the house I bought instead of sitting in a cubicle in business casual working for the man.

That was an improvement, and now I think I can do even better. I know myself, what I'm capable of, what my limitations are. I have a better idea of what I want. I don't want to put more time into poker, because I want to spend some more time on other things.

When I was working 40 hours per week, I was spending about 10 hobby hours on poker. Both those time chunks had direction. These days I'm putting 40 work hours into poker (30 playing, plus I probably spend 10 hours reading or analyzing my game), but I haven't picked up something else to fill those 10 hobby hours. Nothing with direction anyway. I've enjoyed a couple months of filling that time with diversions - movies, video games, etc - but recently I've felt the urge to start something with a purpose.

I love writing this blog. I'll sit down and start typing and suddenly an hour has gone by. I like it when I can entertain, inspire, amuse, or mostly just annoy people with my ideas and the way I express them. I look forward to hearing about people's reactions, and I'm always on the lookout for new material to write about. I don't mind making an ass of myself with this kind of public introspection, and I know that people find it interesting.

I'm going to start writing something else. I'm not exactly sure what form it will take yet, or if it will ever be worth anything to anyone else. But I have some ideas that I know I'll enjoy spending some time developing. Those are the kind of time investments I'm willing to make.

Acceleration?

I'm setting a goal of averaging at least $50 per hour over the next few months. That is 2.0 to 2.5 BB/100 hands playing 2 tables of $10/20, which I think is especially achievable playing limited hours with good game selection.

Translation for non-poker people:
I usually play limit hold'em where bets and raises are fixed in increments of $10 or $20, as opposed to the no-limit you see on TV. I think that I can average a profit of 2 to 2.5 big bets (big bet in this case being $20) per 100 hands I play, and I can expect 100 to 130 hands per hour or so. A win rate of 2.5 would be very ambitious (anything over 1.5 is good; over 3.0 is expert) if I was playing 4 tables at the same time for lots of hours, but if I only play under very favorable circumstances (lots of bad players at my table and few good players) and only have to concentrate on making good decisions at 2 tables, I think it is a reasonable goal.


For my last ~70,000 hands played, I've averaged $34/hour.
For my last ~13,000 hands played, I've averaged $77/hour.
For my last ~800 hands played, I've averaged $132/hour.

That last stat is just a joke. Those are the real numbers, but I'm sure I could find plenty of 800 hand samples where I won or lost $200/hour. This is a very volatile game, so you really have to look at the long run. Even the 13,000 hand sample isn't really enough to draw any specific conclusions other than that I've have a good last 13,000 hands.

What I really should also do is set a goal of playing a certain number of hours per week. Then I could estimate my total earnings, net out estimated living expenses, and project my bankroll growth to set an estimated date to move up to $15/30.

Not tonight though. I'm getting up "early" tomorrow to meet some former coworkers on their lunchbreak, so I better get some sleep.

Online Poker Screen Names 3

When you sign up to play poker at an online casino, you pick a screen name that other players see when you sit at a table. Here are some names I've played against. Players in red are losers in games I've played; green are winners.

(Online Poker Screen Names 1)

(Online Poker Screen Names 2)



Sexual/Vulgarity:

• jizmaster - Pretty much speaks for itself

• AssPoker - Pretty much speaks for itself. The AssPoker won a lot when we played. It was a lovely experience.
  

• NutsKickerNL - Curiously this guy was playing limit, when I saw him, not no-limit (NL). Maybe that's why he was losing.
  

• ea8tshtndie - Had to throw that 8 in there because eatshitanddie, eatshitndie, and eatshtndie must have been taken.
  

• eatmynuts1 - Once again, resorting to adding numbers because some other genius beat you to the original idea.
  

Drugs:

• GAMBOL4CRACK - Is there any other reason to gambol?

• cokedupninja - This is just a great name. Bravo.

Messages:

• DontEatMeat - In response to his suggestion, I'll quote Reel Big Fish: "Maybe I'm a murderer, but I'm hungry and they're better off dead." Maybe some protein would help your results, buddy.
  

• spirituality - Allah helps me hit my flushes.

• Jeter_Loves_LilBoys - I didn't actually play with this guy, but I saw him sitting in a game and his message rang true to me. But I suspect most of you already knew that Jeter is a homosexual pedophile.
  

• lysbexic - This noble public servant has taken it upon himself to warn the world about the dangers of dyslexia.

Weird:

• ryanquirk - I assume the guy's name is Ryan Quirk. What kind of weird last name is Quirk?

Funny References:

• Pete Rose - Insert your favorite Pete Rose gambling joke.

• bobamilktea - I don't know if this is why he picked this name, but there is a woman who walks through the Commerce Casino selling that stuff. In her thick Asian accent, she yells "boba tea... milk tea... boba MILK tea!!" Mildly amusing but curiously memorable. Adverbially speaking.
  

• cunningstunts - I didn't play with this guy either, but I recognized the classic punchline: What is the difference between a circus and a cheerleading team? A circus is a bunch of cunning stunts...

• chewygotu - What a wookie!

The value of a decision: to play or not to play

For various reasons, I found myself exhausted at 10pm. I had wanted to play tonight, but figured sleeping was a better decision than playing while tired. So I turned off the lights and laid down, unsure if I was taking a nap or going to bed. I knew I didn't want to be totally back on a real-world schedule, so I was leaning towards nap. But I sure as hell wasn't going to set an alarm had no reason to suspect I'd wake up before morning. I woke up around 3am and had to make a tough decision between getting up and playing for a while or rolling over to go back to sleep.

A funny thing about playing poker is that it creates a distorted picture of the value of those kinds of decisions. Theoretically, I should look at my long term average hourly earn rate, R, and how many hours I'm going to play, H, and multiply those 2 numbers to figure out the expected value of playing. H x R = EV. But variance is high in this game, so the actual result is often in a very different ballpark than the H x R projection.

So here's a common scenario. I decline an invitation to go out on a Saturday night, opting to stay in and take advantage of the juicy weekend action on Party Poker. I have a rough night at the tables: big pairs get cracked, miss all my flush draws, flop set under set 3 times. When my friends drunkenly call me at 3:31am and ask how my evening went, I know my excel sheet says I've lost $389 but I just mutter "Eh, not great... what did I miss?"

Our brains are built to make results-based associations. If I eat some berries and 30 minutes later I throw up, I associate the result of vomiting with eating the berries. I have an abstract understanding that I should be counting my imaginary EV dollars to determine how much the decision to stay in was worth, but its hard not to think that going out drinking would have been a $389 profit. I'm not going to eat those bastard berries any more.

Luckily tonight it went the other way. Instead of going back to sleep I got up and played, winning $884, far above the most generous estimates of my H x R. So what was the value of the decision?

Opportunity cost

In 13 weeks, I've made about $4,200 less playing poker than I would have earned from the job I quit. That extrapolates to a $17,000 annual paycut. The benefits aren't as good either, but what can you expect from flexible part-time work?

If you add back the 2 weeks vacation I got paid out, and consider the expenses I'm saving on commuting and lunches out in Bethesda, the financial difference looks much better. Plus I got a nice tax refund this year, so with that buffer I haven't really felt any pains in the wallet at all.

As a return on that $4,200 investment, I honestly expect my earn rate over the next 13 weeks can completely dwarf what I've done so far. My understanding of the game is growing every day, I feel like I'm playing the best poker I've ever played, and my results are starting to show it. Or maybe I'm just catching a good run of cards and in the long run I'll struggle to break even. It has been fun either way.

Its 11:20am, I guess I should go to bed.

playing online poker for a living

pros

• don't answer to anyone:
  
• this is all on me
  
• no boss
  
• no corporate interests or politics
  
• no pants
• no annoying coworkers (no, not you)
  
• obvious and immediate correlation between effort and reward
  
• no alarm clocks
  
• my own schedule
  
• sleep when i want
  
• take days off when i want
  
• life is just a game
  
• don't have to take anything seriously
• "work" is fun
• easy money
• challenge
• matching wits
• opportunity for advancement - moving up limits
• applying skills to new areas - learning new games
  

cons

• "so what do you do?"
• parents don't like it
• people generally look down on gambling
  
• why did i bother with college?
  
• sketchy healthcare coverage
• no 401k, pension
  
• no sick leave
  
• life is a just game
• hard to take pride in outplaying a drunk or a rich moron
  
• greater good?
  
• future?
• what if the games dry up?
• huge hole in my resume
  
• downswings
• pyschological challenges
• financial challenges
  

input?

Trip Recap

BULLET I suppose the trip was a modest success, financially. I had a great 3-hour session in a $10/20 game at the Taj the night I arrived, and the rest of my play basically evened out. Not a hugely profitable venture, but a nice change of pace.

BULLET After a 14 hour session on Friday I decided to head home Saturday instead of playing again. I didn't want to risk burnout after 3 long days of playing. Even though I'm sure the Saturday action was great, I'm happy with my decision.

BULLET For the first 2.5 days of play, I had very good feel for my tables. More than ever before, I really had a good idea what my opponents held and how they'd act. But towards the end of my session on Friday, a guy sat down who completely altered the dynamic of the table, and it really threw my game off. There had been one maniac at the table who played any 2 cards to the river almost every hand. He had been amazingly lucky and had a very large stack of chips in front of him. But I had been sitting next to him for several hours and was doing a pretty good job of reading him in spite of his wildness. The new guy was a preflop maniac, playing any 2 cards, often for a raise, but he played fairly well postflop. They were sitting next to each other and their antics pretty much put the whole table on tilt. With one exception, I did a miserable job of adjusting my game. Hopefully with more experience, I'll know how to adjust properly to changing conditions.

BULLET I mentioned one exception, which was a play I made shortly after the new guy (NG) joined the table. This was certainly the greatest poker play I've ever made. We'll pick up the action on the turn, where the pot was already very large. I held 98 (suits irrelevant) on the button, and after several checks the original maniac (OM) bet with the board showing K978. I knew him well enough to know that he'd try to checkraise any hand that beat me, and the pot was huge, so I raised hoping to force out the 3 people acting after me. 2 of them folded, and then NG 3-bet. He hadn't been at the table long enough to know that OM was a complete moron, and he had heard others at the table talking about how tight I was, so I knew his check/3-bet meant my hand was worse than his. At worst he had to have a set, more likely a straight, and probably JT for the nut straight. But after OM called, I had to call 1 more bet and hope for a miracle on the river. I expected any miracle would have to take the form of an 8 or 9, but the river was a J, which seemed like a horrible card for me until NG checked. He looked genuinely concerned about the Jack. Then OM bet again. At this point I it was obvious to me that NG had the best hand and I had the 2nd best hand. OM betting was an blessing, because I realized that if I raised, NG would have to assume I have at least a T for a straight and he might fold. With the pot so large I figured it was worth a shot, so I raised and looked at NG and made a sheepish "I'm sorry" face. NG agonized and finally folded. OM called my raise, and NG immediately informed OM that I had a straight. When I turned over my hand an announced 2-pair I think he might have thrown up in his mouth. "JUST TWO PAIR???! I FOLDED 5-6!!! OH MY GOD!" I quietly stacked the $425 pot.

BULLET Asian casino employees have some cool names:

secondary bullet He
secondary bullet Trung
secondary bullet Nho
secondary bullet Thang
secondary bullet Phat
secondary bullet Supa

It makes me wonder if any American name sound like cool words somewhere in Asia...

secondary bullet Ron is the Vietnamese word for "pudding"
secondary bullet Betty is a slang term for a state of inebriation in Tagalog
secondary bullet Charlie sounds kinda like "shitbird" in Korean
secondary bullet Your average Cambodian would find the name Ralph highly amusing, but couldn't really explain why. Actually that might be universal.
secondary bullet Tony sounds like the Cantonese word for "girth," especially with that Hong Kong accent.

BULLET I played a bit of the $15/30 game at the Taj, and I really felt the difference that the 2/3 blind structure makes. I've got much more experience with 1/2 or 1/3, and the $10 small blind really made the game feel a lot different than what I'm used to. I don't remember feeling that way in my occassional shots at Party's $15/30 game, so that makes me think I've come a long way since my last try at that game.

11 weeks now

I've tracked 11 weeks (Wed to Tues) now.

9 out of 11 weeks have been wins.
7 out of 11 weeks I made less than $500.
3 out of 11 weeks I made more than $1,000. 2 of those I made more than $1,500.

My worst week was a $705 loss. I followed it with a $1,507 win.

My worst day was April 3. I lost $965.
My best day was April 17. I won $560.

My worst single session was losing $727 in two hours on May 27, playing four $5/10 full tables.
My best single session was $604 in one hour on May 27, playing two $10/20 full tables.
May 27 was a long day.

My average week is 25 hours of play and $480 of income. If I did that for 50 weeks I'd make about $24,000. If I kept the same earn rate and put in 40 hours instead of 25, I'd make about $38,000. Nobody would mistake these numbers for evidence of great success.

Discipline is my biggest problem. I rarely play my "A-game" for an entire session and I don't put in very many hours. I quit too soon when I'm ahead, and I play too long when I'm behind. I let emotion cloud my judgment in big hands. I don't know a lot of odds as well as I should. I am horrible at multi-table tournaments mostly because I don't have enough patience.

I've started posting on the 2+2 forums, and it has already helped my thinking about the game, beyond what simply reading them had done for me. I've felt improvement in my game. Game selection is a growing strength. I'm getting more effective at using statistics and other information to find situations where I have a greater advantage. I've read and reread a few excellent poker books, and tried some new games.

I'm making ends meet, and enjoying this time. I don't think I'll want to be a professional poker player in 10 years (considering myself a pro now seems like a stretch), but I don't think I'll be getting a job any time soon.

Hyperbole? Probably not...

This is the most amazing hand of poker I've ever played.


Party Poker 3/6 Hold'em (8 handed)

Preflop: Hero is CO with Kc, Ad. MP2 posts a blind of $3.
2 folds, MP1 calls, MP2 (poster) checks, Hero raises, 1 fold, BB calls, MP1 calls, MP2 3-bets, Hero caps, BB folds, MP1 calls, MP2 folds.

Flop: (13.33 SB) 5s, 3d, Qc (3 players)
MP1 checks, Hero bets, MP1 folds.

Final Pot: 7.16 BB


I almost just called the 3-bet, but said to myself "I guess I'll cap and maybe someone will fold." And then I laughed, because the idea of someone folding was preposterous. And then 2 people folded.

Has anyone ever seen a preflop limp(check)-3bet-fold??

And then MP1 folds the flop getting over 14 to 1 on the call. Astonishing.

Fun and games

I'm not a big fan of FullTilt but they have a 50% rebuy bonus going, and I'm trying to branch out, so I bought back into that site. I instantly remembered how they never have many hold'em games going and the bonuses take forever to earn back. I doubt I'll play there enough to earn all $300 within the 60 day window. But while I was sitting in either a $2/4 or $3/6 shorthanded game, an interesting hand arose, and hilarity ensued. (Non-poker people may or may not agree on the hilariousness.)

Another reason Full Tilt sucks is that they don't offer hand histories, so I'm recounting this hand from memory...

Preflop - 6 handed

• me in the small blind: A♥9♠

• 2 donkeys limp. Button raises. I call cause I could easily have the best hand. Big Blind 3-bets. All call.

Flop - 5 players, 15 small bets in the pot

• board: 8♥ 6♥ 3♣

• I bet out because I figure the BB will raise his overpair, which will probably get everyone else to fold. That cleans up my Ace outs and maybe gets overcards out if pairing my 9 would be good, and I have the backdoor flush draw and a possible weak straight draw. The pot is huge, so its worth taking this shot.

• I bet, big blind raises, all fold to me and I call.
  

• Sweet, exactly what I wanted.

Turn - 2 players, 9.5 big bets in the pot.

• board: T♥

• Now I picked up the flush draw, plus an inside straight draw. I figure I have 9 outs to the nut flush, plus 3 Aces and 3 sevens for probable winners. That's 15 outs of the 46 unseen cards, so I have an easy call getting 10.5 to 1 from the pot.

• I check, big blind bets, I call.

River - 2 players, 11.5 big bets in the pot

• board: A♦

• Sweet, I rivered top pair. No point betting it, but I probably win.

• I check, big blind bets, I call.
• I drag the 13.5 big bet pot after big blind shows 9♦9♣

This hand and the hand I posted earlier with the pocket aces are good examples of how big pots force you to change your strategy considerably. Note that in this pot I bet the flop with what I knew was the worst hand, but in the other hand I checked the flop with what I knew was probably the best hand. I think the circumstances of each hand made this backwards strategy appropriate.

Anyway, I mentioned that hilarity ensued. I very rarely engage my opponents in chat, in fact I usually turn the chat feature off, but this was too good to pass up. The big blind was pretty upset about losing a big pot on the last card, so he begins berating me for what he thinks is bad play. It always pisses me off when I see players criticize their opponents' play.

Big Blind says - "That was absolutely horrible"

He is insulting me, telling me my play was horrible. Now keep in mind that I'm pretty proud of myself because I used some fairly sophisticated moves that paid off. Also note that this guy went a little overboard with his middle pocket pair. If he hadn't 3bet preflop I probably would have just check-folded on the flop, although maybe someone else would have sucked out on him. But that is the nature of middle pocket pairs. The point is that he brought this "bad beat" upon himself.

I reply - "Yeah betting the river there didn't make too much sense for you. Horrible."

I turn it around on him. He probably shouldn't have bet the river. Lots of opponents will call until the river with a hand containing an ace or a ten, so checking probably would have been a better play.

Big blind says - "Well I figured your hand hit the flop... you know, since you called a reraise."

Actually I called a raise not a reraise, but who's keeping track. So he is now defending his river bet, saying he figured my hand was made on the flop and that the Ace didn't help me. I love how it started out with him criticizing me, and now he's flopping around trying to defend his own play.

I reply: "Horrible figuring."

Outzinged, he pretty much gives up on the "horrible' line of conversation, but is still fuming mad.

Big blind says: "I love it when idiots fall a$$ backwards into a hand and then act like they played it right"

This is so replete with irony:

1. At no point in our little conversation did I ever defend my play to him. I didn't act like I played it right; I simply questioned his play, but he's too mad and/or stupid to realize that.

2. Second, as I've already mentioned, with the possible exception of my preflop call, I think I did play my hand right, but he's not a good enough player to realize that. And I didn't fall into that hand, I had to work hard for it! But to his ignorant a$$, my play looked idiotic. (By the way, I find it hilarious when angry players find ways around the poker software's auto censoring: a$$, fu_ck you, chit, etc. Where there's a will, there's a way.)

3. If you believe your opponent is such a bad player, why would you tell him? Criticism is going to piss a person off, which usually has one of two effects - it is either going to make them play better, or it will make them leave. Do you really want your opponents to get better? Do you really want a horrible player to leave your game?

I was content to simply enjoy irony #1 without further comment. As for irony #2, I felt no need to defend my play. I didn't want to educate him any more than I had already done by questioning his river bet, which I was only willing to do because I knew I wouldn't be playing in this game much longer. On that note, I figured I'd teach him irony lesson #3.

I responded: "You are mean. I don't want to play with you any more. Your meanness is driving this bad player away from your game."

And I left the table.

Huge Pot

Hints:
UTG = Under the Gun = first person to act after the blinds
UTGB= Under the Gun B = 2nd person to act after the blinds
MP = Middle Position
Button = last person to act on all betting rounds

Party Poker 10/20 Hold'em (9 handed) converter

Preflop:
UTG raises, UTGB 3-bets, MP1 calls, 1 fold, MP3 calls, 1 fold, Button caps, 2 folds, UTG calls, UTGB calls, MP1 calls, MP3 calls.


Flop:
21.50 SB = $215 in the pot. 5 players for 4 bets each.

8♦, 3♥, 2♣

UTG checks, UTGB checks, MP1 checks, MP3 checks, Button bets, UTG calls, UTGB calls, MP1 calls, MP3 calls.


Turn:
13.25 BB = $265 in the pot. 5 players still in.

2♠

UTG bets, UTGB raises, MP1 calls, MP3 folds, Button folds, UTG calls.

River:
19.25 BB = $385 in the pot. 3 players still in.

K♦

UTG checks, UTGB bets, MP1 calls, UTG folds.

Final Pot: 21.25 BB = $425



Results and commentary in white below (highlight to read):

UTGB has Ah As (two pair, aces and twos).

MP1 has 7c 7s (two pair, sevens and twos).

Outcome: UTGB wins 21.25 BB.

I had the Aces. After 5 people see a capped flop, my priority is maximizing my chance to win the pot, as opposed to maximizing the size of the pot. I didn't raise the flop because it would have still been right for almost any hand to call me. Nobody would have folded and everyone would have odds to call if I bet the turn. By not raising, I induced UTG to bet out on the turn, giving me the chance to raise it to $40 and force 2 people out, and forcing the guy with 77 to make an incorrect call.

This was the biggest pot I've won in a long time.

Its been a long day

I've written before about how I got to be playing the Party Poker $3/6 hold'em game. The key point is that over a couple months I averaged $90/hour of winnings by playing 4 tables at once in that game. While I knew that my "true" winrate over a larger number of hands wouldn't end up that high, I still fancied myself quite a success in that game.

When I found myself playing poker full time, I figured I'd start with that game as my bread-and-butter and go from there. I started to get frustrated with that game, made fun of my opponents, wallowed in some introspection, and eventually decided to try $5/10 instead.

So that gets us to yesterday. If you asked me 2 days ago, I'd tell you my main game was playing 4 tables of Party $5/10 full-handed tables. But after losing 73 big bets ($726.50) in 2 hours late Thursday/early Friday, I started to wonder if that was really my best choice of game. I've played almost 30,000 hands, and I'm winning a mere 0.37BB/100 hands, which translates to less than $10 per hour. That's no way to pay my bills while building a bankroll. So something has to change. What should I change?

Here are the variables: hold'em, cash game, limit, $5/10, full-handed, Party Poker, 4-tabling.

1. Hold'em: While I enjoy dabbling in Omaha and a little 2-7 Triple Draw, I'm sticking with Hold'em. This is the hottest game in the country, and if I can't make it as a hold'em player right now, I need to stop playing poker.

2. Cash Games: In my experience so far, I suck at tournaments. I'm good at the 1 table quick ones, but that's about it. I don't have what it takes to win these big online multitable tournaments. I'll still enter a few of them for fun, but I'm sticking with cash games mostly.

3. Limit: From time to time I've given serious consideration to moving to the no-limit side of the world. Everyone sees tournaments on TV and wants to go all-in. I have to imagine there are tons and tons of awful players playing no-limit these days. My first poker experiences were playing no-limit games with my buddies in college. I regularly destroyed those games, so I have to believe I've got some no-limit talent.

But I'm not comfortable making this switch yet. There are still lots of awful limit players all over the place, and I have a lot more experience with the limit game. II feel better playing no-limit when I can see my opponent. Limit hold'em is a lot more mechanical, and I can pick up very good reads based on betting patterns without seeing the players. So for now I'm sticking with limit.

4. $5/10: To pay the bills and try to build my bankroll to move up in limits, I need to be playing at least $5/10 most of the time. I'll play $3/6 if it is shorthanded or heads-up because I can get a lot more hands in, but for the most part I need to be looking to play higher.

5. Full-handed: This one is tricky. I've written a bit about the short-handed vs full-handed struggle. Playing poker live and at limits below $5/10 online I've always been very strong at shorthanded play. But that damn Party $5/10 6-max game is my master. I just can't beat it for some reason. I crush the $3/6 5-max on Paradise. So I'm not sure what my problem is with shorthanded play. I know I'd like to be able to play short, because you get in so many more hands. I don't know what to do here. This leads us to...

6. Party Poker: Party is my favorite online cardroom, and you've seen me pimping it from time to time. There are tons and tons of bad players, more than any other site. But since I've decided so far that I want to play $5/10 and higher, and I'd like the option of playing shorthanded (and winning), I have to look at the results. And the stats say that I'm just not winning enough in Party's limit hold'em games, full or short at $5/10 or higher.

So I'm starting to sniff out games at other sites, and I have noticed very distinct differences in playing styles at different sites. It is entirely possible that my playing style and strengths just don't work well against the games at Party. I'm a marginal winner at Party, but maybe I could be a big winner somewhere else.

Why would this be? A factor is that 6-max tables at Party are available most only at $1/2, $5/10, and $10/20. Those games are very popular, as are the $3/6 and $15/30 full-handed games. I have to think that the play in the full-handed games at the $5/10 and $10/20 levels is heavily influenced in some way by the abundance of short-handed games. I don't know exactly how it is influenced, but I definitely notice a difference in play when I go to other sites with different limit offerings.

Luckily, I'm not writing a thesis, so I don't have to figure out all the reasons. And I'm not trying to prove my skills to anyone, so I don't feel like I have to beat whatever game I play. I just have to make money. So I'm going to try to find games I can beat, which might mean less playing at Party, at least at these limits.

7. 4-tabling: I've been 4-tabling $5/10 because I 4-tabled $3/6. But as I was moving up from $1/2 to $2/4 to $3/6 I dropped some tables when I moved up, then gradually added them back. I never did that for $5/10. I probably should have.

I'm playing on a 17" monitor, so there is overlap for more than 2 tables at once. Maybe being able to see all of the players on every table all the time would help. I'll get a 21" monitor once I'm sure that 4-tabling is profitable for me.

But I read this guy's story. And some analysis of my results suggests that I do a lot better with fewer tables. So I'm going to try playing 2 tables for a while instead of 4.

So there it is. I decided to stick with limit hold'em cash games, and try playing 2 tables on various sites at $5/10 to $10/20 limits. In the 24 hours since the disastrous session that made me rethink things, I've won $1200 with my new approach. Its been a long day.

The Royal

In a $5/10 game yesterday I was dealt

A♠T♠

There was a limper, then a late position raise. I called the raise from the big blind, as did the limper, and the 3 of us saw the flop came down

Q♠K♠8♣

We both check to the raiser, who bets. I call with my strong draw, and the other guy calls. The turn comes

8♥

and everyone checks. The river delivers my

J♠

and I bet my Royal Flush. The preflop limper raises me, and then the preflop raiser 3-bets! I gladly cap with the mortal nuts. At this point the 1st guy gives up, and the preflop raiser calls me with

A♣T♣

I guess he thought I'd cap the river on a paired, flushable board with 2 pair. I won the $144 pot.

That is the 3rd royal flush I've hit at Party Poker in since December (all 3 were spades), and at least the 6th in my life. I seem to be a royal flush luckbox. I've often told the story of my first royal flush, but for those who have never heard it, here it is.



In college we used to run up to Atlantic City to play poker at the Taj. It was about a 3 hour drive, so we'd usually leave in the early afternoon when we woke up, get there early evening, play all night and then drive back. Occasionally we'd sleep in our car. Paying for a room never really crossed our minds.

You're supposed to be 21 to gamble in a casino there, and while they usually check IDs at the other table games, nobody ever IDed us in the poker room. I probably played a dozen casino sessions before my 21st birthday.

Driving home from one of these trips, The Biz told me "if you ever get dealt a royal flush you'll have to fold it." He went on to explain that he saw someone at his table hit one, and that the casino gives you a free dinner as a prize. They put the free dinner on your comp card, which you have to show valid ID to receive. So since I didn't have a comp card and didn't have a fake ID, I'd get busted if I made a royal. "Whatever, dude."

A few days later, The Biz and I were back in elegant AC. We were degenerates. A few hours into my $2/4 hold'em session I was dealt

J♠K♠

(Always spades) I limped in along with 29 other people. No fold'em hold'em, baby. The flop came

A♠T♠A♣

At this point I remember the warning, and I hope that there is a bet and a raise to me so I can reasonably fold my draw. But somehow all 29 people checked, and some brick hit the turn. I was thinking, "alright whatever moron was slowplaying their ace-three offsuit can go ahead and bet it now so I can fold." But somehow, everyone checked again. This was unheard of. So the river delivers my glorious nemesis, the bitch of spades.

Q♠

Now I start hoping that everyone checks again, so I can bet and then everyone will fold. But of course some jackass immediately bets. Everyone folds to me and I have a decision to make. Can I really fold a royal flush? How can I do that? I don't remember making the decision, I just remember my hand throwing out enough chips for a raise.

Please just fold, jackass! Of course he calls, and now I need to figure out what I'm going to do.

On the outside I proudly show my cards, while on the inside I'm thinking SHIT SHIT SHIT!

The dealer looks at my 2 spades, and the 3 spades on the board and announces "King-high flush."

YES YES YES! I like the sound of that. She doesn't notice it is a royal!

Then the rest of the table erupts in applause. "No, that's a ROYAL FLUSH!!! WOOHOOO!!!!"

SHIT SHIT SHIT!

The dealer calls for the floorperson, who I know will ask take my nonexistent comp card to give me my free dinner. When I tell the floorperson I don't have a comp card, she'll say "oh that's no problem, just come with me and we'll get you set up with one." Then she'll find out I'm not 21 and I'll go to jail and get raped. (I realize now they probably would have just told me to cash out and leave. But at the time it was scary.)

While the floorperson is making her way over, I turn to the woman next to me and ask what is going on. "Oh they'll give you a free dinner on your comp card."

"Oh, where is the dinner?" SHIT SHIT SHIT! She tells me it is to some restaurant upstairs. "Oh don't really like that place... plus I don't have a comp card..." SHIT SHIT SHIT!

"Well why don't you use my card?" she offers. YES YES YES! "Although all the floorpeople know me. They probably won't let you use it." SHIT SHIT SHIT!

Then she turns and sees that the floorperson coming over is the one guy that actually doesn't know her. She hands me her card, and I realize that there's no way I'll get away with giving a card with a woman's name on it. SHIT SHIT SHIT!

But then I look down at her card. Her name is Pat. YES YES YES!! Hooray for androgynous names!! I give the dude Pat's card, and he returns it 5 minutes later without incident. Pat got her dinner, and I got away with it. The End.


By the way, check out Luke's blog. Funny story about playing poker with Cameron Diaz.

Online Poker Screen Names 2

When you sign up to play poker at an online casino, you pick a screen name that other players see when you sit at a table. Here are some names I've played against. Players in red are losers in games I've played; green are winners.

(Online Poker Screen Names 1)

Sexual/Vulgarity:

• CugeHock - This must be Jon Reremy's alias
• RATDICK - Now that I think of it, Jon Reremy kinda looks like a rat.
• Stu Pidasso - This must be Ben Dover's alias
• BenDovr - Hmm, maybe not
• bend_over - I guess we dropped the formality
• TapalotaPuss - Sounds like a Bond girl. Um, actually maybe a Bond guy. No, that doesn't make sense either. Let's just move on.

Weird:

• KhanhAir - This is one of two things. Best case is that this guy's name is Khanh, or he's somehow affiliated with something named Khanh. In that case, he decided to come up with a play on words and related his name to the name of the movie "Con Air." That's like when my friend Erm had the IM screenname "ErmNHammer." I understand the pun and all, but couldn't you have come up with something cooler than baking soda or a crappy movie? (Yes, Con Air is on my honorary mention Badass Movies list, but I'm trying to make a point.) So that's the "good" case. The worse case is that this guy is in no way associated with the name Khanh at all, and he just thought he'd come up with an alternate spelling for Con Air. That would be really really weird.

• CMSyouup - "I'm on some team called CMS. We'll mess you up." NOBODY ON PARTY POKER KNOWS WHAT CMS IS! NOBODY CARES!! YOU CAN'T TALK SHIT WHEN NOBODY KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

• CubstoWSin03 - Its early 2003, and you are sitting in your Chicago apartment. You're a big Cubs fan, and are thinking about baseball while you sign up to play Party Poker. Excited about your team's chances for the upcoming season, you decide to choose a name to predict success for your team. But you are a complete rampant idiot. The Cubs didn't make the World Series in 2003, and now its 2005 and you are still using this name. Also, if you are going to make big, bold and erroneous predictions about your team, why do you only pick them to get to the World Series? Why not pick them to win it? You should go throw yourself under the A-train.

• PsychoErectus -This is just a great name. Bravo. With a mind capable of producing this name, its no wonder he's won $347.50 in the 68 hands I've seen him play.
  

• weed4zeke -On the other hand, this moron has won $294.50 in 70 hands, proving that poker is for morons.
  

Gross:

• mymomishot - Oh I know she is.

Funny References:

• deadhooker - I'll assume this is a reference to a great scene from "Dirty Work."

• rikjaymesbch - Weird spelling of "I'm Rick James, bitch!" By the way, Dave Chappelle disappeared after signing a $50 million contract, and then turned up in a mental hospital in South Africa. I'm not making that up.

• SunTzu68 - I only include this because it leads me to the conclusion that someone, somewhere has probably combined Sun Tzu and 69. All's fair in love and war?

• fishbulbman - Homer Simpson is the fishbulbman.

Not satisfied

I'm not happy with my poker results.

After dropping almost $500 today in a 3 hour session (ugh), I've played 18,000 hands since moving to $5/10, and I'm only winning 1.06 BB/100 hands. In the 66,000 hands I've played while 4-tabling $3/6 and $5/10, my BB/100 is at 1.35. That is about $21.25 per hour of poker winning. Blegh.

While I do feel like my game is improving in certain ways, its not improving enough. I'm stagnating. I realized that aside from browsing through the 2+2 forums and reading Cardplayer articles, I haven't invested enough time in poker education lately. So I just ordered these books:

• Small Stakes Hold 'em: Winning Big With Expert Play, Ed Miller
• Doyle Brunson's Super System II
• Hold'Em Poker for Advanced Players, David Sklansky & Mason Malmuth

I would really like to get my winrate at $5/10 up to 2.0 BB/100, or at least over 1.5 for a meaningful number of hands before I make my next move up in limits. I see plenty of room for improvement in my game, and I can't be lazy about plugging leaks.

Online Poker Screen Names

When you sign up to play poker at an online casino, you pick a screen name that other players see when you sit at a table. Here are some names I've played against. Players in red are losers in games I've played; green are winners.


Sexual/Vulgarity:

• SexMachine69 - 95% chance this is some 15 year old dork with his mom's credit card.
• IButtSexU - Classy!
• fxxckyouall - that isn't my censoring effort, that was his brilliant idea
• LkmyNuts - In poker, the "nuts" are the best possible hand. Such clever double entendre!
• AAshole - Your starting cards in hold'em are called your "hole cards." Starting with 2 aces is the best possible starting hand. Such clever double entendre!

Weird:

• HeroinAbuser - Who thinks of this why they sign up to play poker? Weird.
• intheloo - Why would you claim to be in the bathroom you British weirdo?
• Kirk_Cameron - I didn't know this guy still had fans. Maybe this is is the actual actor from Growing Pains...
• 401k - Dude must really love pre-tax retirement savings.
• ImFrankZappa - No you aren't.
• DonCorleaone - Um, you spelled it wrong.

Gross:

• MrBrownfolks - I assume this is supposed to be racist.
• ShesGotWood - That female has an erection. Lovely.
• DogsGoneWild - These dogs are willing and able to do everything! It’s real, raw and uncensored! No rules, no owners, and of course, no collars!
• ILOVEMUNG - I'm not sure if I know what mung is, but it sounds gross.
• SerialRakist - The "rake" is the money that the casino takes from each pot as their fee for hosting the game. Apparently giving yourself a name that sounds like "serial rapist" is cool. Wow.
• WitchPoo - What can I say?

Reality

Its been a month since my last day of work. In 135 hours of poker play since then, I've made enough money to cover my expenses. Barely. And I made more money from bonuses and rakeback than I did from poker winnings.

If this is the best I can do, I won't be doing this for long.

But I'm willing to call this month an "adjustment period," be glad I made any money at all, and see if I can improve my results over the next month. I've still got a 6 month expense cushion so I'm not afraid to fail. If nothing else, I've bought myself a few months of freedom and a cool story.

But I don't think I will fail. I've probably learned more about the game in the last month than I have in several years combined. I'm making adjustments in my game and in my lifestyle that have already begun to yield positive results. And I've had months in the past where I made more money playing far fewer hours and at lower stakes, so I know I can do better.

That oughta teach him

I've been increasingly annoyed by my PartyPoker opponents' growing tendency to not raise preflop with AA or KK. I think that they are misapplying a no-limit concept to the limit game. In no-limit, it is sometimes a good move to just call the blind in early position with a big hand in hopes that someone will raise you from behind, and then you get to put in a massive reraise. But in fixed limit games, especially games where you are unlikely to see the same opponents ever again, I think that anything other than raising with these hands is horrible poker.

Really, I'm glad that my opponents are grossly misplaying their hands, but the deceptive nature of this move has cost me a few bets recently. So that, plus my general disdain for mindless trendy idiots has me pretty worked up about this issue. Tonight I got some revenge on one of these assholes.

In a $5/10 Hold'em game on Party, "asshole" called my $5 big blind in early position.

Asshole: K♠K♣

Everyone folded to me in the big blind, and I checked.

Me: A♣ 3♠

I would have folded if he had raised. Instead, I saw a free flop with $12 in the pot.

Flop ($12): 9♥, 7♣, Q♦

I check because I have nothing, and the asshole checks because he's an asshole. I would have folded if he had bet, but instead we saw a free turn card.

Turn ($12): A♦

Now I have a pair of Aces but no kicker. I check because the pot is small and I won't know what to do if I get raised, but also because he'd be likely to bet a lot of hands worse than mine at this point, which is what happens. Asshole bets $10 because he's an asshole and I call it.

River ($32): 6♠

I check for the same reasons, he bets again for the same reason, and I call and win the $49.50 pot (net of the $2.50 rake) with my pair of Aces.

Lets review my opponent's four decisions this hand.

Preflop
Call, instead of raising and winning the blinds uncontested

Flop
Check, instead of betting and winning the pot

Turn
Bet at a tiny pot with the worst hand

River
Bet at a small pot with the worst hand



Yup, he misplayed every single action. Seriously, you should sign up for Party Poker.

Poker Life (so far)

Many tragedies come from our physical and cognitive makeup. Our bodies are extraordinarily improbable arrangements of matter, with many ways for things to go wrong and only a few ways for things to go right. We are certain to die, and smart enough to know it. Our minds are adapted to a world that no longer exists, prone to misunderstandings correctable only by arduous education, and condemned to perplexity about the deepest questions we can entertain.

-Steven Pinker

I quit my job on March 25. I guess technically I quit a month before that, but my last day was March 25. I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but I knew I didn't want to work at GE any more. I knew I had always been curious what it would be like to play poker full time, so I decided until I figure out something better to do, I'd play a lot for a while and see how it went.

I had heard and read a lot about what its like to do this for a living. There are plenty of magazine articles, websites, TV shows, and internet message boards that discuss the pros and cons, highs and lows, feels, smells, and tastes of professional poker. A couple weeks ago, someone who has been there summed it all up for me: "Poker can be a brutal life, but a lucrative one. I wouldn't suggest it, but you'll find out for yourself."

I named my blog from the Buddha quote I have at the very bottom of this page. I can do all the research about poker life or what it would be like to work for another company or to go back to school, but its the "find out for yourself" part that resonates for me.

To be successful in a poker career, aside from poker talent, I always thought I would need to be capable of distancing myself from emotion and making rational decisions. I also figured I'd need to be comfortable with more of a "loner" lifestyle, and capable of good bankroll management. I believed I had these characteristics and abilities. I've always seen myself as unemotional and introverted, and with my finance background I didn't think I'd have trouble with the bankroll management.

Now, not even 3 weeks into this thing, how it going? I still believe I have the poker talent; I'm thriving on the solitude; Sleeping til 3pm is awesome; bankroll management hasn't been a problem yet. What I do question is my emotional capacity for coping with adversity.

Humans are social animals. We have always lived and worked in groups, and depended on our group for survival. Each person has to be trusted to contribute, and each person had to be able to trust the group will reward that contribution. Because this bond of trust is so important to the stability of a group, and thus to our individual survival, we have evolved certain emotions to reinforce it. Positive feelings like loyalty, honor, brotherly love, respect, dedication, patriotism, honesty and trust are a psychological glue that keep us together.

The flip side of that coin is that some of the strongest negative emotions we feel are reactions to breaking that social covenant. We feel guilt, shame or disgrace when we wrong someone who trusted us, and the wronged party feels betrayed and desires revenge. A highly developed negative sense is our "cheater-detection mechanism." 120,000 years ago it was "that bastard Og in cave 3 is eating more than his share of the antelope meat we caught" and today it is "that bastard Ogden in marketing barely did anything for this project, but he's going to take advantage of my hard work." We are all keenly alert for people taking advantage of us.

We all have experienced some form of these universal emotions, and understand the intense power they have over our actions. That power reflects the critical importance that working together played in the evolution of our species, and the danger of being taken advantage of.

What does that have to do with me and poker? Sometimes weird things can inadvertantly trigger those intense negative emotions. When someone catches the only card in the deck that could have beaten me, it feels like an injustice. It feels like the world owed me better, and someone has to pay for it. Obviously this is completely irrational. I know that if I'm in that situation 100 times, I'll win 98 of them and get paid off handsomely. But, my innate understanding of statistics isn't as well-tuned as my rational understanding, and my own mind betrays me as I feel a burn like I've been wronged.

Since March 26 I've played over 15,000 hands of poker. To put that in perspective, if you played in a casino and were dealt 30 hands an hour, you'd need about 3 months of playing 40 hours per week to play that many hands. But because internet poker is a lot faster, and I can play multiple tables simultaneously, that represents 71 hours of play and a little over 2 weeks. In this short time, I've seen the brutality to which Luke alluded. (So far the lucrative part eludes me.)

It usually doesn't bother me very much when I absorb one or two "bad beats." My style of play lends itself to them, because when I'm in there playing a hand, I usually started with something very strong, so usually my wilder opponents need to get lucky to beat me, which is of course going to happen some of the time. The theory is that it won't happen enough of the time to prevent me from winning overall, and long term it hasn't.

When it does start to bother me is when it happens a few times in a row, or on huge pots. In the last 2.5 weeks, I've suffered 3 months worth of bad beats, and the effect on my emotional state is cumulative. Feel the burn over and over, and that shit adds up.

In poker, when you let something bother you enough that your play suffers, it is called going on tilt. I've read world-class professionals say something to the effect of "I can't hope to eliminate tilt in my game, just to minimize it. I think of it as a business expense." They understand that it is part of our nature.

I've been suffering from short-term and long-term tilt lately. Short term tilt gets set off by a few tough beats in a row, and suddenly I'm playing hands differently that I normally would, usually to my disadvantage. Then those short-term downfalls and other factors have contributed to me playing poorly over a longer horizon. My recent woes, while likely at least partially just some bad luck, are probably also due to some questionable play on my part. Its a pretty viscious spiral. Brutal.

So while it wasn't realistic for me to expect to just dive right into this and be emotionally prepared for it, I do think that I can learn. I've made some key adjustments recently that I think are helping to put me back on track.

In regards to short-term tilt, I've started trying to implement a very simple remedy - count to 3. I'm trying to force myself to count to 3 before I make any action in big pots, or in hands that are likely to cause an emotional response. I noticed that often when I'm confronted by an unexpected raise from an opponent, that I too quickly go into a passive/defensive style of play. Sometimes this might be appropriate, but often it is not. Counting to 3 is helping already.

In regards to long-term, I've noticed I'm tending to play too passively overall lately. Related to this, I'm limping in early position with some weakish hands. In an effort to plug this leak as soon as possible, I've implemented a few rules:

1.) No limping in early position preflop (the first 3 people to act after the big blind). This means that if I'm in bad position, I either raise or fold. This is forcing me to dump hands like A8s, KJo, JTs, and 55 that I used to limp with.

2.) No open-limping. If I'm the first person into a pot, I am raising. Period.

3.) Assume your opponents are morons unless you have overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Act accordingly. This means that 99% of the actions you are faced with are pretty straight-forward. You can't bluff a calling station, and you can't check-raise someone who is afraid of their shadow. Bluff sparingly. Bet for value. Don't get fancy, jackass.

These rules aren't perfect, but they do more good than bad. They are part of Pinker's "arduous education" intended to help me overcome my natural tendancies. I think my game is starting to get back on track.

This is fun.